“Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened.” Anatole France

  "The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog... He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer; he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world...When all other friends desert, he remains." -George G. Vest-
Speech in the U.S. Senate, 1884

Today is a very difficult day for our family. Our beloved English Mastiff, Bear, has declined in health to the point where we feel that it was best to have him put to rest. I never imagined how much of a difficult thing it would be to do or how deep the sorrow would run. He was such a "larger than life" personality. You will be missed, our sweet baby boy.



How do grief or emotions affect your eating?

I'm going to be honest with you. Right now I want to eat a whole pizza, a cheesecake, and smoke a pack of cigarettes. When I am feeling down or angry, the first thing that I reach for is a vice. My favorite vice being food. I like the way it feels in my mouth, I like the sedative-like feeling that it brings me when I overeat. Food is my friend....it does not talk back, give me grief, or tell me how fat I am. With a friend like that, who needs enemies, eh?:/

With so many things going on in my life, it seems easy to just give up...why bother even trying, things are just going to be sucky anyway. This is the self-defeating attitude that I need to work to get away from and try to learn new ways to cope.

Right now I am using my anger over several situations as a motivator. I'm angry that our YOUNG sweet dog had to die, angry that we might be moving yet again, angry at myself for letting my body get to this point. There needs to be a book titled "Diary of a Mad White Woman" :) I am aware that being angry all of the time is not a good place to be but for now, it's pushing me. I will NOT quit my journey, although I'm already feeling defeated. I will NOT let what other people say affect me negatively. I WILL do what's right for me and revel in the knowledge that I am making good and positive decisions in my life.

Part of doing this blog is that it is very cathartic. I can relay my feelings to a blank page, get it off of my chest and move on. I was looking for a word that described how it made me feel and my friend Cassie Foster, stated how her journey of weight-loss and encouragement from friends had been cathartic. She (Cass) has been on am incredible journey of her own and she looks and feels amazing. I would like to share her story with you in the future, if she will allow me to. Congrats Cassie on being very near to your goal! I am so proud of you!:)

I am emotionally exhausted now and think I will wrap up my ramblings for the day. Tell everyone you love how important they are to you, give yourself a pat on the back for even the small things you accomplish and never go to bed angry...it's not good for your soul. ♥